Olympic Fashion for 2008 The Good, the Bad and Canada

Before you can run you must learn to crawl. A nice conservative option from Australia, a nation still learning to crawl in regards to fashion. Lovely smiles and feminine poses from the women.

*The subtle blue pinstripe is said to represent the Australian coastline. Considering the Australian coastline is not in a shape of a pinstripe, perhaps a believable angle should have been used to somehow argue the designs represent Australia.

Australian designers have developed a self-defeatist attitude. They have long complained that the Australian sporting colours of green and gold are difficult to work with. Consequently, now they have not even tried to do something new with the colours. Instead, they have gone for the convict look.

Australians designers don't like Australia's sporting colours of green and gold. For some reason, they believe they can't make them work like designers from Brazil, Jamaica, and South Africam or designers from African nations that combine them with red and black. In addition to not liking traditional colours, designers don't think traditional suits are appropriate for an opening ceremony. Instead, the AOC wanted something to reflect "the relaxed, casual spirit of modern Australia". Ironically, the AOC was so relaxed about their uniforms that it seems as though they entrusted their design to a 16-year-old graphic design student. Although gradients may be fun to work with on Photoshop, they have no place on clothing. The athletes are in a sporting event, not trying out to be DJs. On the positive side, at least the baseball caps weren't worn backwards.

80 years of communism and the need to dress like a bag of laundry to ward off the cold have combined to ensure Russians have yet to develop any sense of style.

The women's belts are a little on the large size, are in an odd place and wrapped quite tightly. A cynic may say the belts were designed to keep the women's stomachs in rather than their trousers up. Alternatively, perhaps they are one way to ensure the women don't overeat at dinner. Finally, the secret to why French women don't get fat.

Some kind of cross between safari and Chairman Mao suits. The inevitable blame game may put even more stress on the Belgium union.

Canadian multiculturalism provides the freedom to do whatever you want. Unfortunately, that freedom is often used to create designs that most people do not want. Canada's tough-guys-in-pyjamas look just doesn't work. Bright red lipstick in athletic gear looks a bit odd as well.

Japanese women usually dress in a highly sexualised manner, and the Japanese men usually dress super cool or smart. For the Olympics; however, something has gone wrong. For the women, the unsexy clothes modelled by unsexy women is perhaps the Japanese way of countering international stereotypes of sexualisation. For the men, the gay look is perhaps their way of allaying Chinese fears of aggression.

It seems stereotypes of Italian style do not always ring true. These characters look like they are on a mission to outer space.

Quite odd to see a Korean woman who isn't wearing a mini-skirt, large round ear-rings and a baseball cap. If Koreans really wanted to be daring, instead of dressing a woman as a man, they should have dressed the man as a woman.

Not bold, innovative or different; however, when the traditional design works, there is no need to be bold, innovative or different. India's uniform is nice, comfortable and suited to Beijing’s climate. The uniforms don’t seem to attract the women though. The Indian ladies seem conspicuous by their absence.

With France, Belgium and Italy botching their attempts, it has been left to the UK to show Europe hasn't lost the plot completely. Looks a bit private schoolboyish though and the tall bloke went overboard with the tanning cream. Too hot for Beijing as well.

Germany flys the flag for European style and does so with designs quite suited to Beijing's temperature. Gold Medal. (The women were dressed to resemble oranges and needless to say, haven't been included in many of international press-releases.)

Tall, single, neat and handsome men standing close to each other... America takes preppy to the next level.

United States Olympic Uniform

A futile attempt to de-preppy the uniform. Also seems to be struggling in the Beijing heat. Note to designers: preppy not suited to all climates.

Romania Olympic Uniforms

A mixed result from Romania. The leading couple look ok, but it's the background that it's a concern. The sheila with the purple trousers looks like a kid dressed by her mother. As for her friend, she looks like she is waiting for someone to ask her to dance but knows that with the clothes she is wearing, it is going to be a long wait. Even the fellow background man with pens in his top pocket is looking elsewhere.

China Olympic Uniforms

An unhealthy love of tomato and egg omelettes, or perhaps a McDonald’s sponsorship. Maybe bright colours were needed so they wouldn’t get lost in the pollution.

Black is meant to be a slimming colour yet somehow New Zealand has come up with a design that makes the woman look larger in places where she would want to look smaller, and smaller in places where she would want to look larger. A design that has gone pair shaped.

With the New Zealand economy in bad shape, the kiwis have decided its time to revive the clan of the cave bear.