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Adelaide Crows

Adelaide Crows

Welcome!

The City of Adelaide has always craved respectability but has always struggled to attain it. It was founded in 1836 to be Australia's only Convict free colony and soon trumpeted that it was a “City of Churches.” Despite being founded on noble ideas, most migrants chose to be around ex-Cons and their colourful personalities rather than take up the generous land offers available around Adelaide. Perhaps this was because a city that trumpets that it is free of Convict heritage as its claim to fame is basically saying it has nothing going on.

150 years later, Adelaide’s isolation and persuasive religious dogma found expression in the Adelaide Crows, which operated like a kind of spaced out cult in a middle of nowhere location. For those who bought in, the cult of the Crows bred a remarkable fanaticism. In addition, it also bred weird thinking characterised by firewalking, magical energy saving pills and “training” camps whose secrets could not be spoken of. While those who bought in were no doubt rewarded, for those more orientated to normality, the cultish thinking had them wanting them to be anywhere but Adelaide. Over the years, this has resulted in Adelaide losing more of its star players than any other club in the AFL.

Origins of the Crows

The SANFL began in 1877 and subsequently grew into a strong and fanatically supported league. In interstate matches against Victorians, South Australians frequently emerged as victors, which perhaps gave the South Australians some of the status they so desperately wanted. With predominantly dry grounds, the South Australian's brand of football had more emphasis on skills. On the other hand, the Victorian brand was built on wet grounds, which led to more dirty play.

 In the 1970s, football representatives from around Australia met to discuss the possibility of a national competition. Victorians insisted that their league, the VFL, was the strongest and rather than create a new competition, new clubs would have to join the VFL and pay a licence fee. Quite understandably, football fans outside Victoria were not enthused by the Victorian arrogance and declined.

In 1991, Port Adelaide, the most loathed but also most popular team in the SANFL, defected by making an application to join the VFL/AFL. Although the VFL/AFL was pleased that a South Australian team wanted to join, they were concerned that Port's entry would alienate the majority of South Australian football supporters who hated Port. Consequently, they gave the SANFL the option of fielding a composite team and if they declined, Port would be free to join. Knowing that Port Adelaide was hoping they would reject the offer, the SANFL accepted.

South Australia's new team seemed to make a concerted effort to piss-off Port Adelaide supporters. Their jumper featured the state's colours, as well as the colours of every SANFL team - with the exception of Port. The name Crows was chosen because Port Adelaide had wanted to use it when it entered the VFL/AFL. The Crows appealed to everyone who liked football, hated Victorians and most importantly, hated Port Adelaide. Obviously such people were numerous as the club had no difficulty in selling out its home ground with membership tickets. 

Crows Stare

New-age thinking and the power stance

While the beginnings of the Crows seemed normal enough on the surface, it concealed a weird way of thinking that showed a remarkable ability to suspend logic. In 1992, the newly formed club thought fire walking would be a great way to bond the players and show the power of the mind. After three hours of a motivator persuading the players that the fire would be cold as ice, the first player, Nigel "Smart", stepped out to walk through the searing coals. Smart was soon screaming as he suffered first degree burns to his feet causing the whole exercise to be cancelled before any other player could follow his lead.

Not to be discouraged, something about fire kept the Crows hypnotized. So much so, in 2006, Adelaide players and coaches led a $60 million investment in “Firepower”, a company that claimed to have invented a pill that could be added to the petrol tank to make a car travel further, faster and with less dirty emissions. Firepower was started by an ex-Jehovah’s witness door knocker who moved onto magic pills that would cure cancer, paint that would get rid of barnacles on ships before finally inventing the pill to make petrol burn more efficiently. The logical response of a sensible person to the Firepower claims would be to doubt that a Jehovah witness-turned-salesmen would achieve what chemical engineers in multinational fuel companies could not. Short of that, a simple test could have been carried out by getting a pill, putting it in a fuel tank and quickly discovering that it didn’t work. Unfortunately, the Crows were not fond of simplicity. Instead, they hyped each other up and went all in on the magic beans.  Coach Neil Craig led the way but was well supported by Brownlow Medallist Mark Ricciuto who had himself announced on radio as 'Mark Rupert Firepower Ricciuto'. Three years later, the Ponzi scheme had collapsed as well as the Crows dream of a magic pill revolution of the transport system.

Usually getting burnt makes people are bit more wary. Not so the Crows. In 2017 came the most bizarre plan yet. The club was seduced by an organisation termed “Collective Minds” as it embarked on a plan to unlock the secrets of high performance. Although Collective Minds billed itself as being able to deliver the edge in mental performance, its creators had no background in psychology. To the contrary, its creator, Amon Woulfe, had Master of Business from the University of Queensland, which the Crows decided was a sufficient qualification to experiment with the players' mental health.

Collective Minds’ first strategy for success was to have Crows adopt a “power stance” when the National Anthem was played before the Grand Final against the Richmond Tigers.  In theory, by resembling a Hollywood cliché of a cult, the Crows’ opponents would be intimidated and fall apart. Unfortunately, like firewalking and magical fuel pills, reality proved an inconvenient hindrance as the Tigers showed it takes more than power stances to win a game of football.

Crows Stare

Not to be discouraged, the following season, Collective Minds took it up a notch with a secretive “Mankind” training camp. The players were forbidden to discuss what happened on the camp, but it was said to be a modified version of Mankind Projects arund the world. Greenplanetfm's Tim Lynch who described himself as “activist for over 40 years - within the ecological, educational, holistic, metaphysical, spiritual & nuclear free movements”  described  the purpose of the Mankind Project by writing:

“ the Mankind Project came about in the early 1990’s in America, where three men got together wanting to take the conversation further, on men - especially around men’s masculinity and have men connect with their deeper purpose. 

For indigenous cultures over millennia have had ceremony and initiations to bring young men into adulthood, to become responsible and accountable for their actions. This included being an integral member of the tribe and taking their rightful place within that community.”

In 2010, English journalist Tom Michelson signed up for the project and wrote about being blind-folded, stripped naked, and seeing men given animal names like “mighty condor”. He concluded the experience felt like,

“21st-century New Age meets Neanderthal man. The cult-like intensity with which some of my fellow warriors converted to the brotherhood astonished me.” 

Due to demands on confidently, it is not known exactly how the Crow’s Mankind Project was adapted but rumours proposed that, as well as being blindfolded and stripped naked, players had to listen the Richmond theme song on loop. Captain Tex Walker seemed to be one of the participants who converted whole heartedly to the brotherhood but the Indigenous players were unsettled by the New-Age-meets-Neanderthal thinking. Others were said to be traumatised and wanted to leave the club over their experiences.

The rumours of the camp created a disturbing picture of a psychologically experimental environment that was never adequately controlled or challenged. In response, Jeff Bond, the head of sports psychology at the Australian Institute of Sport, went as far as to say,

“it was not right to bring in people without formal psychology qualifications who start messing around with people's thoughts, feelings and experiences".

In Collective Mind’s defence, Crows Chairman Rob Chapman, said

“But when we are told we are using just five per cent of the mind’s capacity, it would be negligent not to explore how we can unlock the potential of the mind.”

While Chapman didn’t specify whether it had been Collective Minds that had told him that people only use 5 per cent of their brains, it is usually a myth proliferated by people seeking to learn how to levitate or move their using their minds alone. Psychologists used MRI scans long ago to demonstrate that most people use 100 per cent of their brain. It is only in rare individuals, such as individuals in the Crows football club, that ever limit themselves to five percent of capacity.

On the field, the pre-season training camp proved about as useful as power stares for winning Grand Finals. From pre-season flag favourites, the Crows didn’t even make the finals. Furthermore, in the face of accusations that the Crows had been negligent in their attempts to unlock the unused 95 % of their brains, the club conceded its error and severed its contract with Collective Minds.

Loss of players

Although Firewalking, saving the planet one energy pill at a time, and blindfolded adventures can inspire new awakenings in people, they can also result in alienation. This has been a particular problem for the Crows as it has struggled with convincing Adelaide-raised players drafted to interstate clubs to return to Adelaide. Of even more concern, it has struggled to keep interstate players drafted to the club once their contracts were completed. In a particularly damaging example, it paid one player, Kurt Tippet, outside of the salary cap because it was so desperate for him to stay. Ironically, the club had room in the salary cap but it was paying Tippet so much above his value that Adelaide wanted to keep it a secret. As punishment, the club was fined and excluded from early rounds of the draft. It seemed that even being free of a Convict heritage was no guarantee of people acting with integrity or honesty. More damage was to come in its power stance season of 2017, when it lost rising star Jake Lever. Acting a lot like Scientology when one of their own leaves the fold, Captain Tex Walker launched a public attack on Lever and the club uninvited him to their Best and Fairest.

On field success

Unlike many of the teams that joined in the AFL since the 80s, the Crows have always been reasonably successful – despite the constant loss of star players. Much of the early success could be attributed to fanatical home town support, which helped the club became almost unbeatable at home. Unfortunately, on the road they proved to be flops!

Ironically the Crow's fortunes soared when Port gained admittance to the AFL in 1997. When Port entered, they had a score to settle with the team that took "their place." Prior to the first "showdown", Malcolm Blight, the Crow's coach, declared that life in Adelaide would be intolerable if Port emerged triumphant. The Crows were heavily favoured but the unthinkable happened and Port won by 11 points.

Severely embarrassed, the defeat was a kick in the arse that spurred to the club onto greater heights. The club subsequently won their first premiership that very year. In 1998 they had continued success, sneaking into their second grand final against North Melbourne, then winning from fifth position, a feat never before accomplished. It was almost as if the desire not to let Port gain the ascendency had driven the Crows to lofty heights.

Although the showdowns have been evenly split, the two premierships gives Adelaide the best record where it matters most. This little historical fact perhaps best encapsulates the club's appeal. After almost 127 years of listening to Port fans boast about their superiority, Adelaide's record allows fans to turn the table and put Port into second place. With two flags to Port's one, those who hate Port at last have something to crow about.

We're the pride of South Australia
And we're known as the Adelaide Crows
We're courageous, stronger, faster
And respected by our foes.
Admiration of the nation
Our determination shows.
We're the pride of South Australia
We're the mighty Adelaide Crows.
We give our best from coast to coast
Where the story will be told.
As we fight the rugged battles
The flag will be our goal
Our skill and nerve will see us through
Our commitment ever grows.
We're the pride of South Australia
We're the mighty Adelaide Crows


The Adelaide theme song illustrates some of the ego issues that the Crows had long suffered. A recurring message is that the club is respected by others; perhaps indicating that the club hopes that if it tells itself something enough times, then it will able to believe it to be true.

The song was written by former president Bill Sanders and set to the tune from the US Marine’s Hymm. The inaugural version substituted Camry, the then club sponsor, for Adelaide to sing “We are the Camry Crows.”

 

Roy Morgan research

Adelaide Crows supporters were:

2001 when compared to other Australians

  • 16% more likely than the average person to be aged over 50;
  • 17% more likely than the average person to be in the bottom FG Socio-Economic Quintile;
  • among the most likely to be married (7% more likely than average);
  • more than twice as likely as the average person to vote for the Australian Democrats

2004 when compared to other AFL supporters

  • Made up of 83% South Australians
  • 28% more likely to be aged 50 or over
  • 27% more likely to be in the lowest FG Socio-economic Quintile
  • 17% more likely to be unemployed
  • 45% more likely to make dresses
  • 19% more likely to regularly go to church or their place of worship

2006 when compared to other AFL supporters

  • Made up of 84% South Australians
  • 22% more likely to be aged 50 or over
  • 33% more likely to have been to a pub or hotel for a meal in the last three months

 

Rivalries

Hatred for Port Adelaide was one of the initial motivations driving support the Crows. In the SANFL, Port are the most successful, most hated and most popular club. In the AFL, Port are the small fish and the Crows have more members, supporters and most importantly, two premierships to the Power's one. 

Adelaide Crows jokes

1) Son: "Daddy, Daddy, tell me a horror story."
Father: "OK son. Once upon a time, there were two Adelaide supporters. Now there's fucking millions of them."

2) Why is Adelaide known as the City of Churches?
Because even the Saints are looking down on them.

 

Icon

Darren Jarman - Johnny come latey who won a Grand Final for the Crows. Odd looking fella who bore an uncanny resemblance to Magilla Gorrilla.

Wayne Weidemann - Depending upon who is being asked, the man from Fish Creek looked like a Viking or a dope smoker. Evoked the catch-cry "Weeeeeeed" whenever he went near the ball.

Mark Riccuito - Tough centreman who evoked "Rooooooooooo!" when he touches the ball. To the uninitiated, it sounded like he was being booed and being lumped in the same category as the likes of Buckley, Carey and Libratore.

Andrew McLeod - Smooth centreman who ran the field like a hot knife slicing through butter.

Tony Modra - High flying pretty boy that football fans Australia wide feared may become another Warwick Capper in retirement.

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  Was this more interesting than a news update of players in a recovery session standing around in the ocean looking cold or of a team 'training without incident'?