Football Leagues
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 Which code is best? For its fans, Aussie Rules is the greatest spectacle on earth. For its critics, it resembles a bunch of disorganised men chasing a chicken. Such critics say you would have to be blind to find it interesting. Perhaps the critics are half right. Being blind in one eye, metaphorically speaking, definitely makes the code more intriguing. Being one-eyed helps a fan form an allegiance to a player or team. For the fan, following sport becomes like following a soap opera. They share in the elation of victory or even better, the emotional gratification that comes with seeing Collingwood choke...again. Being blind in one eye also makes it difficult for Aussie Rules fans to appreciate the virtues of other football codes. Although Rugby League fans say their code is the simply the best game on earth, most Aussie Rules fans find it about as stimulating as studying Norwegian voting patterns. Bearing in mind that all codes are appreciated, and criticised, by one-eyed onlookers, this page looks at some of the positive and negative things said about Australia's three codes of football, and soccer. In sport, as it is in battle, optimism is a key to victory. If a team believes it will win, its self-confidence usually ensures that it does. If fans think their team will win, then they will pay money to come to games and cheer. If administrators think they can win, they will gamble on a new team in a new region and so spread the code. If sponsors believe a code is on the verge of something, they will jump on board in the hope of getting a bargain deal. If fairweather supporters think a code is the 'next big thing', they want to be able to say that they were there at the beginning. Although optimism is a vital drug, it can be misplaced. The optimistic team may not give the opposition the respect it deserves, and so it may fail to innovate, or suffer a psychological meltdown when the going gets tough.
Aussie
Rules - Aka Rafferty's Rules, Aerial Ping Pong, AFL, Australian Football, Mexican
Rules The first officially codified game of football, yet one which still doesn't have a name. Some call it Rafferty's Rules. This is Australian slang for : "
every thing is a mess and mixed up, done all wrong, with no rules at all. " Rafferty's Rules was definitely an apt name in the code's first 20 years in which it had no umpires. A society that was still receiving English convicts obviously wasn't too keen on officials intervening in their leisure time. In theory, captains were meant to officiate but their judgements were often ignored by players. In the era, team strategy was very different to what it is today. It was generally agreed that the best strategy to deal with a good opponent was to whack them in the head. For fans, this was great and thousands poured through the turnstiles to see Australia's new bloodsport. Eventually the free-for-all had to end and an umpire was introduced. One umpire, became two, then three. Add in boundary umpires and goal umpires and 91-PAGES of rules, and Australian football has now become the most over regulated and over officiated sport in the world. To make matters even more complicated, there are different rules for the pre season and season proper. The introduction of umpires changed the attraction of the game for spectators. Instead of fans cheering on a huge boxing match, they became intent on encouraging umpires to make a decision in their team's favour. At least 50 per cent of the time the umpires got it wrong. When they did get it right, it only slightly made up for all incorrect decisions made in favour of the other team. Ironically, the poor standard of umpires made the game more enjoyable. For a convict society, the next best thing to having no rules, is abusing the authority figures that keep making mistakes. Reflecting the special place they held in the fan's heart, umpires became affectionately known as 'white maggots'. Although the sheer number of rules increases the chance of umpires making mistakes (thereby increasing spectator appeal) the large number of rules is frustrating for players. Nowadays, people need a law degree just to play the game. The handpass and the bounce are two rules that could easily be cut to simplify the game. The rules are particularly frustrating for NSW players who like to run and break tackles on Sydney's rain-soaked ovals. Throwing a ball into mud and watching it sink just doesn't provide a great deal of emotional erectness. Trying to hand pass a rain soaked ball is akin to trying to punch a rock. Oddly, although the AFL is reluctant to change the code's rules to increase the appeal in NSW, it has changed rules to increase the code's appeal in Ireland. Every year the AFL plays an "international" series against Ireland that involves using a round ball, a rectangular field and a few other rules. Although the hybrid code gives Aussie rules players the opportunity to represent their country, it makes Aussie rules a bit of a laughing stock in Sydney. Sometimes one needs accept one's limitations in life. Women must accept that due to their lack of a penis, they can't urinate like a man. Most women are comfortable with this limitation. They don't get a fake penis and suddenly say they are a man. Perhaps there is a message in this for the AFL. Rugby League and Rugby Union - aka Mugby, Thugby It has been said that Rugby League is a gentleman's game played by thugs and Rugby Union is a thug's game played by gentlemen. Unlike Union, League doesn't have the mess of players that allows for dirty play such as eye gouging, biting ears, grabbing testicles or stomping on hands. One notable exception occurred in 2001 when Tiger's winger John Hopoate stuck his finger up the anuses of three players from the Nth Queensland Cowboys. Following the experience, the three players had good reason to walk like Cowboys. The scrum is perhaps the oddest feature of both codes. It has been described as a bunch of men pushing other men up other men's bums. Rugby League broke away from Union in 1896 over the issue of money for play. As League paid its players, it changed its rules to heighten spectator appeal. It did away with the lineout, focussed on running rugby and made the scum nothing more than an excuse to sniff bums. Out of principle, Union decided that looks weren't everything and made a conscious attempt to maintain an extremely boring style of play. Old style Union basically had two full backs kicking the ball back and forth like a tennis match. In the middle, forwards stood watching the ball sail over their heads. Hypothermia set in so forwards had to be fatties to keep them well insulated from the cold. Union changed its rules when it became professional in the mid 90s. The new rules were basically designed to make it more like Rugby League. Many people who have played Union say it is the most boring game they have played. Wingers who lack the insulation of the forwards freeze on sidelines as nothing happens. If they do get the ball, they then must kick it away when a run might have given them a chance to warm up. Not even serious Union players say it is a good game. They talk about the pride they feel representing their school, their state, or country, but they don't actually say the game is fun. They will also denigrate League and Aussie rules, but again, they wont say that Union is fun. Maybe this is because it isn't fun. Soccer - aka wogball Soccer is said to be a sport where the fighting is confined to the grand stands where it belongs. Some say this is because Soccer is so boring that fans start a brawl so something happens. Some say it is due to frustration. One team can dominate for 79 nine minutes but then lose one nil. Another explanation is that its is due to goals being scored via free kicks. For Australians, scoring through official intervention seems about as attractive as hemorrhoids. Australians generally ridicule academy award performances. The cultural ethic is reflected in Australia's two football codes. Aussie rules umpires tend to favour defenders over attackers. Likewise, Australian Rugby League referees are loath to award penalty tries. (Referees from other countries are more generous.) With so many people criticising their sport, Soccer fans also tend to be a bit critical themselves. They tend to work themselves into a tizzy over the fact that most of the world's English speaking countries don't consider Soccer to be a football code. (Note for Soccer fans. The English language stipulates that Soccer is not football. Consider classifiers for the world "football". "A soccer football" sounds strange. On the other hand, "A rugby league football" sounds normal. "An Aussie rules football" sounds normal. "A rugby union football" sounds normal. With the exception of Britain, the entire English speaking world refers to Soccer as Soccer. Most of Asia also refers to it as Soccer. If you want to speak proper English and communicate in English speaking countries, you have to refer to Soccer as Soccer. Speaking poor English like David Beckam will only make you seem like an uneducated buffoon and do little to progress your sport's cause.)
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Invention of Australian sports Cricket
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