Carlton Blues

Blue-collars become cheating blue bloods

In the late 80s and early 90s, it was said that cheering for Carlton was like cheering for a multinational; that yelling "get em blues" was akin to yelling "get em Microsoft". The club was powerfully rich, arrogant and had an outspoken corporate president at the helm. It was the glamour team supported by cool celebrities, including A-listers such as Sale of the Century host Tony Barbar and his side-kick Jo Bailey.

The club had a proud history. It was established in 1864 and, although initially a working man's club, it was always successful. Over the course of the 20th Century, Carlton notched up a VFL/AFL record of 16 premierships and until 2002, had never won the wooden spoon for finishing last.

Even the suburb of Carlton discovered the lofty heights of success. Where once the houses of Carlton were filled with factory workers with fridges full of beer, the suburb was now filled with restaurateurs with fridges full of soymilk, jars of Metamucil and instructions for the liver cleansing diet.

Yep, Carlton had it all! But behind the celebrities, trends and glamour lurked a dark side that would bring the club to its knees. President John Elliot started the remould the club in his own image. Instead of raising revenue by increasing the popularity of the club, Elliot formulated corporate money making schemes. And so when Essendon and Collingwood moved to MCG to provide a big game atmosphere, Elliot redeveloped the suburban Princes Park as as part of a grand plan to bludge off other AFL teams.

Elliot knew Princes Park (also known as Pig's Arse Park) was not as popular as the MCG but he envisaged other clubs playing home games at the ground, and Carlton taking a cut of the takings. Carlton spent millions building boutique stands; Elliot even named one of them the "John Elliot Stand" in tribute to himself.

But Elliot's pot of gold revealed itself to be a white elephant. In 2002, the club posted losses of $7.5 million and then $11.1 million in 2004 - most of which related to devalueing assets at Princes Park.

Self-interested players also let the glamour go to their heads and over-estimated their worth. In 2002, they were collectively paid $1,400,000 more than players from any other club and then rewarded Carlton for its generosity by delivering the club the first wooden spoon in its history.

Once the salary cap cheating was exposed, the club pleaded for mercy on the grounds that it was in financial strife and had finished last. The AFL was not sympathetic and so fined the Blues $900,000 and stripped them of their first two draft selections.

John Elliot was given the arse and quite poetically personally went bankrupt. His replacement, Ian Collins, seemed just as bad. In 2005, basic rules of accounting got mixed up and the club found itself with a tax bill of a $1,000,000. The bill could have been avoided had the club run itself more along the lines of a members owned organization.

The club then started to reveal that it was anything but a happy family. Board members vowed to sack the coach, and then sack each other. The coach and his assistant refused to talk to each other. Even the players were infected with the anti-social vibe. Players broke into each other's houses to steal things that could be pawned. Even worse, the club's captain, Lance Whitnal, had a very public falling out with his brother. It seems his brother's kids didn’t turn up to his son's birthday party so he retaliated by not inviting them to the zoo. This escalated to death threats and vows from each brother to enlist hit men to kill each other.

Just when it seemed Carlton couldn't sink any lower, in 2007 they exposed to themselves to be cheaters of the lowest kind. New president Richard Pratt confessed that he was a price-fixer and faced a $36 million fine after a court heard he was a cheat who had betrayed the public. Pratt seemed determined to run the Blues the same way. The club deliberatey tanked matches to ensure it would get the number draft pick. Past players even came out and declared that they wanted to see the club lose.

Carlton's financial and social problems present a moral dilemma for the rest of the competition. Many AFL fans, particularly those of Essendon, believe that if Carlton can't pay their way then they should be put into the VFL. Obviously Carlton's fans wouldn't be happy about that, but there is a perception that it serves the fans right for picking a loser team. They will just have to learn the hard way and then choose a successful club like Essendon in future. Essendon's moves are perhaps being countered by West Coast who feels that Calrton's criminal conduct makes their own drug use seem less serious.

Another idea is that since Carlton can't manage themselves, then maybe the AFL should take control and manage the club for them. The club could then be relocated to Carrara on the Gold Coast where the local population has previously had an association with loser clubs with empty bank accounts.

Although there is no shortage of fans enjoying Carlton's misery, some would like to see Carlton rise again. With the Kangaroos, Bulldogs, and St Kilda, the AFL already has its fair shair of loser clubs that evoke sympathy when they are defeated. The AFL doesn't need any more. The AFL needs arrogant clubs that are a joy to beat. Some fans have even wishfully mused that that Carlton could be merged with Collingwood to focus the hatred. Sadly, although Collingwood has been prone to share the bottom of the ladder in recent times, it is financially strong and is not likely to merge.

Perhaps a merger with fellow stranglers the Kangaroos might work. The infusion of the Kangaroos' working-class culture may help Carlton rediscover the culture it celebrated before the soymilks invaded. Poor, but at least honest.

Roy Morgan research

Carlton Blues supporters are:

2001

• 30% more likely than the average person to be aged 25-34;
• the most likely to have drunk beer in the last four weeks (27% more likely than the average person);
• 41% more likely than average to have eaten KFC;
• 43% more likely to have played a poker machine in the last 3 months

2004 - When comparded to other AFL supporters

• 34% more likely to be aged 25-34
• 26% more likely to be parents of children in their household
• 32% more likely to earn over $70,000 per annum
• 28% more likely to believe they were born to shop
• 20% more likely to believe that they cannot relax until their house is clean and tidy

2006 - When compared to other AFL supporters

• 28% more likely to live in a young parent household 
• 45% more likely to need a mobile phone to help them win new business
• 20% more likely to have ordered home delivered food (other than pizza) in the last three months
• 40% more likely to have been to a casino in the last three months
• 60% more likely to have collected stamps in the last three months
• 27% more likely to have been to a beauty salon or spa in the last three months

Carlton Song carlton blues theme song

We are the Navy Blues
we are the old dark navy Blues
we're the team that never let's you down
we're the only team all Carlton knows.
With all the champions they like to send us
we'll keep our ends up
And they'll know that they've been playing
against the famous old dark Blues.

Rivalries

Collingwood - In the VFA, Carlton was the league's only working man's club. When Collingwood entered the VFA in 1892, Carlton discovered it had a rival.

Over the years, numerous Grand Final clashes have flamed the hatred; none more so that 1970 when Carlton left no doubt that Colliwobbles was a real psychological phenomenon. 

Richmond - Another working man's club like Collingwood which likewise battled Carlton in Grand Finals. Unlike Collingwood, Richmond was able to hold its own when the pressure was applied.

Essendon - In recent times, Carlton has also forged an intense rivalry with Essendon. Some of this stems from Carlton having 16 flags to Essendon's 16. Some of it also stems from Carlton's modern day glamour associations which rivaled those of Essendon.

Calton has a way of lifting itself when it plays Essendon. In the 1999 preliminary final, Essendon was expected to thrash Carlton on their way to a certain flag. But the Blues rose a level andknocked off Essendon by a point. Even though the Blues went on to lose the Grand Final, they still felt satisfied by denying Essendon a probable flag.

Carlton jokes

Two boys are playing football in a Melbourne park, when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.
"Essendon fan saves friend from vicious animal", he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Essendon fan," the boy replies. "Tigers fan rescues friend from horrific attack," the reporter starts again. "I'm not a Tigers fan either, " the boy says.

"Then what are you?" the reporter says. "I'm a Carlton fan !!!" The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Spoilt brat kills family pet".

2003 AWARDS

• Best and Fairest - Lawrence Angwin

Carlton as a wine

Carlton Blue Lanbrusca:
A fizzy Mediterranean-style that has a sickening taste. Rich and obnoxious, this wine suits those who favour a quick fix or they'll piss off to the soccer. Well aged, the Carlton Blue seems to always turn up at the end of season party even though no one else likes it.

Icons

Bruce Doull - Aka the 'Flying Doormat', Doull was an odd fella who despite being balding, loved wearing headbands. He had the temperment and looks of a hermit but as a back-pocket player, clung to people like shit to a blanket.

• Stephen Silvagni - (SOS) Son of Serg who was rarely beaten at fullback.
• David Rhys-Jones - Dodgy backman who looked like a car thief. Had a regular weekly appointment with the tribunal.
• Stepehn Kernahan - Centre half-forward with a terrible mullet.
• Alex Jesaulenko - High flying forward.
• John Nicholls - Huge man who used his intimidating presence to control games from the ruck. It is said he tried out for Collingwood but they cut him because of his vile odour.
• Justin Madden - Big dinosaur with a comical face. Left Essendon because he couldn't get a ruck birth and later came to haunt the Bombers with many champion games.
• Greg Williams - Stoic and softly spoken centreman. Was a champion at other clubs but moved to Carlton as desperately wanted to play in a victorious team.

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