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Melbourne Demons
Spare Change Anyone?

Initially known as the 'Invincible Whites', the Melbourne Football Club was formed in 1858 to represent the Melbourne Cricket Club. Without a regional homeland to represent, the club had to rely solely on its culture to attract new fans. As the league was targeted at cricketers wanting to keep fit in the winter, Melbourne's cricketing associations ensured that it had a establishment image that was attractive to the new inductees to the code. As the league expanded and the MCG became the home of football, Melbourne also became the club of choice for MCG and MCC members - people who generally have all the "personality of a loaf of bread."

Not surprisingly, whereas rival clubs promoted egalitarian values that attracted support from all walks of life, Melbourne's supporter base was largely confined to wealthy people whose only passion was for status. Fortunately for the Demons, such people were very numerous. Since gold was discovered in the 1850s, Melbourne had been home to Australia's establishment set and was the headquarters of the big Australian companies. The city overflowed with the wealthy and the Demons were their team. With money, connections and a strong support base behind them, the Demons were one of the powerhouses of the VFL. By the 1960s, the club had won 11 premierships and held the VFL attendance records.

The rust bucket of Australia

Since the 1960s the fortunes of the Demons have mirrored the fortunes of Melbourne the city. Over the last 50 years, Melbourne's title as the cultural, establishment and financial capital of Australia has been lost to Sydney. Instead of being seen as Australia's premier city, Melbourne is now seen as Australia's "rust bucket". Likewise, the Demons have gone from VFL powerhouse to beggars struggling to see out each year.

By 1996, the club's fortunes had reached such a low ebb that the board was forced to take it to the merger table with the Hawthorn Hawks. The merger was skittled after the Hawthorn members refused to approve. As for Demon members, a majority of them voted in favour of their board's actions. This willingness to merge may have been indicative of their lack of passion. Alternatively, it may have been indicative of their inability to feel attached to a culture that to a large extent, did not exist. Admitedly, there were a few supporters that protested the merger; however, they wanted to draw a line in the snow rather than a line in the sand. Such actions, as well as teleconference calls from Mount Buller, are just not as persuasive as a rally at the ground.

One supporter who did manage to bypass the snow for the season was mining magnate Joe Gutnik. In the wake of Hawthorn's rejection of the Demons, the billionaire took control of the board and donated $3 million of his own money to help ease the club's financial problems. He reinvigorated it with the face of the wealthy establishment that defined its past glories. Gutnik was arrogant, outspoken and precisely what the club needed.

By 2000, Gutnik had steered the club to a grand final. It was then that infighting started tearing the club apart. An accountant named Szondy argued that he could do a better job and Gutnik was given the boot. But it seemed that balancing books and increasing the popularity of a football club were different skills entirely and Szondy's promises came to nothing. The club fell to the bottom of the ladder, the infighting continued and the small crowds got even smaller.

With the loss of Gutnik, Melbourne again has very little image. It has no geographic association, no character and no soul. Out of all clubs, the Demons have the lowest number of supporters and even rugby league games in Sydney draw higher crowds. How the mighty have fallen.

Roy Morgan research

Melbourne Demons supporters are:

2001 when compared to other Australians

2004 when compared to other AFL supporters

2006 when compared to other AFL supporters

• 46% more likely to have a diploma or degree
• 55% more likely to be a professional
• 29% more likely to agree freedom is more important than the law
• 22% more likely to need a mobile phone when they travel overseas
• 31% more likely to drink more premium beer now than they used to
• 32% more likely to have been to a BYO restaurant in the last three months

Theme song Melbourne demons theme song

Its a grand old flag
Its a high flying flag
Its the emblem for me and for you
Its the emblem of the team we love
The team of the red and the blue
Ev'ryheart beats true
For the red and the blue
And we sing this song to you
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
Keep your eye on the red and the blue

Lots of words that don't really say anything!

Rivalries

Every summer yobbos at the MCG break into the chant "members are wankers!" As the football club of MCC members, in theory the Demons should have a strong rivalry with most of the working class football clubs in Melbourne.  In the VFA era, the theory held true as the Demons were seen as the elitist team battling the working class Carlton and clashes between the two were the undisputed highlights of the season.

In the modern era, the Demons have found that few clubs really hate them. The Demon's problem is that they don't have the arrogance of an elitist club. They haven't opened their chequebook to steal players and their fans in typical toffy style, don't show enough emotion to piss people off. 

The club has been trying to manufacture a rivalry with the Sydney Swans with an annual clash on ANZAC day. However, because the Swans are a relocated Melbourne club, they are unable to evoke that civic appeal to give the rivalry some real grunt. Furthermore, both teams are lightweights so the clash doesn't represents the titanic battle between Australia's two largest cities as it should.

Melbourne Demon jokes

Due to a lack of culture it is too difficult to make jokes about Melbourne. There is really nothing unique to take the piss out of. Quite boring really.

Melbourne Demons as a wine

Old Melbourne Hermitage:
A classic variety that appears more appropriate to days-gone-by than today. Clashing flavours - fuddy-duddy indifference versus erratic opportunism - leaves a bad aftertaste for all but the most devoted. Still popular with old tossers, but living only on past glories now.

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