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Gold Coast Titans

Tide comes in, tide goes out

Professional Rugby League arrived on the Gold Coast in 1988 in the form of the Gold Coast Tweed Giants. The club didn't fare too well. For local men, it seemed that watching big hairy gorillas tackle each other in mud was no match for surfing, and admiring those feminine beach sights that appealed to the superficial man. For women, it seemed watching big hairy gorillas was no match for sunbaking, and admiring those masculine sights that appealed to the superficial woman.

Struggling for fans, the club changed its name to the Seagulls in tribute to the Seagulls licensed club which was their primary source of revenue. But once more, the name didn't work so the Seagulls club withdrew its funding and the club searched for new identity. The club found it in the form of the Gladiators. Although they were Gladiators in name, they were not in nature as they never even made it inside the coliseum to do battle.

With the Gladiators not even playing a game, the club became the Chargers. It is not clear why they wanted to copy the San Diego NFL team by the same name. Maybe because the Brisbane Broncos, and the Nth Queensland Cowboys had such success with American names, the Gold Coast club believed that Queenslanders harboured a desire to become the 51st state of America.

Although the Chargers had some success, it was culled in the peace deal following the Superleague war of the 90s. Consequently, the Gold Coast returned to being a place where men looked at women, women looked at men, men and women looked at each other, and teenagers went searching for what men and women so enjoy doing.

Along with the youngsters finishing their schooling, the Gold Coast also attracted old people from the southern states who were finishing their careers. Soon the Gold Coast became the Australian version of Miami. The region was full of men who had discovered that they had a favourite chair, and department stores reported a massive spike in the sales of tartan blankets.

With the oldies unlikely to head to the beach (at least not the moral ones anyway), the NRL figured that there was a population on the Gold Coast who would watch league on TV, or venture to the football grounds where they could be bitter, yell abuse, and ponder the great stars from the good old days. And so in 2005, it was announced that a Gold Coast team would again be part of the NRL.

As the Gold Coast was the Australian version of Miami, it was decided that the team may as well copy Miami completely by also taking the name of Miami NFL team, the Dolphins. And so the Dolphins became the Gold Coast's latest incarnation.

Unfortunately for the club, in the enthusiasm to mimic America, it neglected to do its local homework to ascertain whether the Dolphin name was available. In reality, the name was being used by the Redcliffe Dolphins in the Queensland state league. The failure to know of its use didn't really demonstrate a great deal of respect for local rugby league.

Unable to use Dolphins, the club then backtracked and said it was looking for another name once more. It found one in the Titans, a name used for the Tennessee NFL team.

Early prospects looked ok as the Gold Coast ran second in merchandise sales in their first year, and had solid crowds; however, the Gold Coast property bubble then collapsed. This was a particular problem for the Titans as it was part of convoluted set of property companies set up that collectively were more than $30 million in debt. Once more a Gold Coast rugby league was bankrupt, which had a bit of a ground hound day feel about it. Like the tide coming in, one day Gold Coast has a rugby league team that seems to be going well, but then the next day, the tide has gone out taking rugby league with it.

Rivalries

Brisbane Broncos - Good rivalries are based on some kind of similarity. Ideally, success is a good point of comparison, but Gold Coast hasn't had any of that so it is geographic promoxity that it must rely on to have an enemy.

Gold Coast Titans jokes

1) There is a Gold Coast psychiatrist that has a thriving practice, particularly during the football season. He tried an idea-association test on a patient and asked her what came to mind when she thought of something brown, firm and had smooth curves. " A football" said the patient immediately. "Good. And what comes to mind when two arms slide around your waste?" "An illegal tackle" was the instant reply. "Now picture a firm set of thighs" "a full back!" "Top marks" said the psychiatrist. "Your answers are perfectly normal. You would be surprised by some of the silly answers I get."

2) The chief executive of Brisbane, Gold Coast and Melbourne were all invited to a party. The Brisbane executive brought six bottles of XXXX. The Melbourne executive brought a six pack of VB. The Gold Coast executive brought six friends.

3) The Gold Coast coach was playing the pokies and hit the jackpot with winnings of 20,000 dollars. "We've made it at last" he exclaimed to the team. "What are you going to do with the begging letters?" the team asked. "Keep sending them I suppose" he replied.

4)If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Titan fans wear thongs?

About the Gold Coast region

Sex sells and it sells even better when the customer has an excuse to justify to themselves that they aren't really hunting for sex. In the case of the Gold Coast, 70km of sand is much like the articles of a Playboy magazine in that both allow consumers to pursue their carnal desires all the while pretending that they are pure of mind like everyone else.

The Gold Coast's beach excuse is perhaps most prevalent at the end of the school year when teenagers book out the hotels for the annual "schoolies" celebrations. This basically involves school leavers from around Australia saying that they want to celebrate with their fiends, when in truth they want to apply the lessons on how to use a condom that they learnt in their sex education classes. Fortunately or unfortunately, some never get to apply the lessons because, in order to build up the courage to apply the theory, the youngsters drink so much alcohol that they become functionally incapable. Additionally, some become so covered in vomit that finding a willing partner is more of a challenge that keeping the carrot chunks where they should be.

Sometimes more senior citizens try to get involved in the schoolies celebrations; presumably to either guide the school leavers into adulthood or to protect the school leavers from adulthood. These seniors are generally known as "toolies" and are seen as either wowsers trying to spoil a good time, or perverts out for a good time. In both cases, they are mostly seen as unwelcome.

While the motivations of the youngsters are conspicuous, all year round Gold Coast hotels are full of people coming for a patch of sand that tends to be more crowded, more expensive and less beautiful that thousands of other beaches around Australia. Every year, around 850,000 international visitors and 3.5 million Australians stay at least one night in a Gold Coast Hotel. The high number of international visitors is easy to explain considering that most would be coming from countries that have highly polluted beaches or no beaches at all. The high number of Australians is a bit more difficult to explain considering that 85% of Australians already live within 50km of the ocean.

Perhaps the domestic tourists are looking for things that are not so commonly found on other Australian beaches. Specifically, lots of toned men running along as if they were auditioning for a part in Baywatch. Sometimes the men stop, stare longingly towards the ocean, and raise their chin as if in an aftershave commercial. Additionally, the Gold Coast has lovely ladies strolling along the beach in the morning sun, but who don’t seem to have any interest in beach life except for being seen on it. For whatever reason, these scenes seem to be more alluring that a deserted beach populated with the occasional wallaby or hermit crab.

Meter maids are another unique attraction on the Gold Coast. These are women who are paid to wear bikinis and then walk around putting coins in parking meters that are soon to expire. The meter maids started as a government initiative in 1965, but are now run by a private company.

The combination of beach views and considerate meter maids perhaps explains why the Gold Coast is the fastest growing urban centre in Australia. In 2012, its population was almost 600,000. Because there is limited employment outside of hospitality, there seems to be something other than work attracting migrants to the region.

 

 

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  Was this more interesting than a news update of players in a recovery session standing around in the ocean looking cold or of a team 'training without incident'?