Football Leagues
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Football Uniforms The sparseness of both the male and female Aussie rules uniforms has raised more than a few eyebrows over the years. The shorts are so tight that many of the men who wear them suffer from a condition known as 'network balls' whereby the veins on their niagras start to resemble a map of the Australian rail network. As for the jumper, it is usually sleeveless which exposes the arms of the male players like a gladiatorial warrior or in the case of the female players, displays their flesh in a sight reminiscent of an Amazonian vixen. As a game with a high degree of broken field play, the official justification for the minimal clothing is that it is ensures there is less material for would-be tacklers to grab on to. Although there is no doubt that minimal clothing makes it more difficult for tacklers, it is curious that rugby players who likewise want to make it difficult for opposition tacklers, haven't chosen to embrace the sleeveless jersey or the tight shorts. Perhaps this desire for small clothing in Aussie rules and baggy clothing in rugby can be best explained as stemming from the varying levels of sexual appeal inherent in the respective codes. There is little doubt that Aussie rules players, both men and women alike, hold far more appeal to the opposite sex, than do rugby players. Accordingly, they are endowed with more vanity and a desire to show themselves off. As a game that combines the need for power, mobility and endurance, male Aussie rules players develop a body that aside from that of the swimmer, is the most attractive to the fairer sex. The arms are toned, well defined, large but not excessively so. Of course it is not only men who play football. Aussie rules is sometimes referred to as 'aerial ballet'. Fittingly, the females who play it indeed develop those aesthetic ballerina qualities that inspires many-a man to cheer the game from the sidelines, sitting down with a blanket over their lap, under the guise of keeping warm on a cold winters day. Just as men occasionally enjoy being judged on qualities other than their intellect, women too can appreciate being given a level of admiration that is perhaps above and beyond what their mere athletic prowess warrants. Accordingly, they embrace the small clothing as it facilitates such admiration being forthcoming. Contrasted to Aussie Rules, frequent collisions to the face has many rugby players resembling the Elephant man. Their ears are in the shape of satellite dishes and their noses are flattened or bent out of shape like a boxer. Furthermore, their thighs become so big that they start walking like a cowboy whose curry dinner isn't agreeing with him. Finally, to see male or female players pack down in a scrum is as about as attractive as watching a sumo wrestler bend over to pick up salt or a behind shot of Shane Warne fielding in slips. During the recent Rugby World Cup, the uniforms broke from tradition and went for the tighter Aussie rules school of fashion design. But as one lady wrote: "It's the forwards I pity. Especially Pommy forwards. White is not the friend of the fuller-figured man. Nor of the pasty-faced man. The lumbering English front rowers look like giant turnips in their jerseys. Granted, the bookies say they will be giant turnips who will kick Wallaby arse - but that is not a moment in one's sporting career when one wants to look like a massive piece of vegetable matter. Call me boring, but I like the traditional rugby cloth jersey with a nice collar. The new jerseys don't even have proper collars. The All Blacks look like Chairman Mao in their severe black numbers. Consider Matt Dunning in fitted yellow. He may have had a brain explosion at the end of the Super 12 season - now he faces the prospect of a jersey explosion, too. If the Wallabies jump on the tight jersey bandwagon, it will be a slippery slope. Next, our cricket team will stride onto the SCG in white Thorpedo-type suits. We should be grateful Boonie has
retired. Boonie in a cat suit? I don't want to see that. " With little sex appeal, rugby players have long realised that looks aren't everything. When trying to impress a lady, some men rely upon unpretentious qualities such as their intelligence. Others prefer to be admired for their bravery, citing the fact that despite their need for a knee reconstruction, they will keep playing and just invest in a prosthetic leg in their old age. Obviously such seduction techniques are not effectual as the few ladies who like rugby players need to be shared around. One Canterbury Bulldogs player even confessing: "gang banging is nothing new for our club or the rugby league." As for the female rugby players, some harbour dreams of meeting a nice German man who values a woman whose big arms give her the strength to carry multiple beer steins at once. Others conclude that sex is overrated.
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Invention of Australian sports Cricket
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